Sunday, July 31, 2005

Past vs. Present...

Have you ever felt as though reality fails to measure up to your memories as you grow older? I certainly felt that way last night...

After an absence of 3 years from the clubbing scene, I decided it was time I rejoined the 'happening' party-goers and re-establish my presence in a club. After much cajoling and persuasion, my very reluctant boyfriend caved in and gave me the go-ahead. All geared up, I excitedly awaited Friday night and skimmed through the week like a zombie on drugs!

When Friday finally approached, I was ecstatic! I mean...it's been what? 3 years? I know, I know, I sound like a total 'kampung girl'. Just forgive me and go on reading kay?

Annnnnyyyywayyyy...I actually attended cell group and hoped it'd end sooner! Sad and bad, but true (feeling guilty now!). Immediately after cell, I rushed home, got changed, dabbed on some eyeshadow and literally ran to the car. The trip to the club, almost killed me! I was like, "Are we there yet? Are we? Are we?" Finally, after 30 minutes of my whining, we arrived. Bravely, I conjured up a facade that belied my excitement and cooly cruised into the club.

What a disappointment that was! Not only was the club almost empty, the lights were too bright and the music too soft! Fortunately, after an hour or so, the club began to fill up, the music started blarring, the lights were turned low and it felt like a real clubbing scene. Funnily enough, when that happened, I noticedI wasn't really into the swing of things! It just seemed so...dull! Don't get me wrong here, the company was great, the music was good and the enviroment was superb, but I just wasn't enjoying myself. It was then that I realised I had totally blown up the whole picture in my mind! That's what three years does to you! You keep piling and adding and colouring the picture til it gets so monstrous that anything being compared to it would pale in comparision!

I guess that's how life is isn't it? We remember the good, continually replaying it in our minds til at times, we find it so hard to face the not-so-pretty reality before us. It's always good to hold on to the good times, but when we start reconfiguring it to our liking, that's when the memories should be pushed backwards and the Present take center stage! Isn't it sad to think that we may miss out on the best life has to offer, just because we placed it along side our blown-up, distorted, unreal, "memories"?

Starting today, I'm going to live each day as it comes, despite what I've experienced in the past...

Friday, July 22, 2005

Viewing love through rose-tinted glasses...

I’m disturbed.

Earlier this evening, while driving down to the city, Ed and I were singing a Chinese song which lyrics spoke of eternal love. Being the realist that she is, my mum scoffed and said, “If anyone sang that song to me, I’d laugh!” Slightly bewildered, I questioned her.

After short pause, she answered, “There’s no such thing! Hah! I bet no one would even die for their loved ones let alone speak of eternal love!”

Quick to differ, I argued that many would willingly lay down their lives for their loved ones. After all, you see it in the movies all the time, right? Stressing her point, she said that if she were asked to die for her children, she’d do it without a moment’s thought, but to die for her spouse was out of the question. To her, people who’d die for their spouse or partner were “weird” and had a distorted perception of love. Unhappy with the answer, I then turned to Ed and asked if he’d die for me. Predictably, he said yes, gave me a peck on the forehead, shook his head and called me silly.

Am I really being silly? Is it unnatural to want to die for one’s partner or spouse? If I were to be honest, I probably wouldn’t. But then again, I’d want my boyfriend or husband to willingly die for me. Selfish, huh? My mum seems to think so.

Well, despite what she thinks, I choose to believe that such a love does exist. I choose to believe that people are willing to lay down their lives for the one they love. And I choose to believe that two people can share a love that surpasses time. So what if I choose to live in a romanticized version of life? *grin*

Oh well…